don't know the power of the 'Dark Side'."
-Darth Vader, leading candidate for Vice-President on the Imperial party ticket for 2000.
|Darth Vader, Dark Lord of the Sith, extolling the virtues of Imperial trade and foreign policy at a recent press conference.||CN. GREENBELT, Maryland. On May 25,
1999, NASA Headquarters announced, in a shocking press release, that the
NASA Hubble Space Telescope Key Project Team discovered what is being now being called the
"Dark Side of the Force" while attempting to measure the universe's rate of
The work is the culmination of an eight-year effort to measure precise distances to galaxies far, far away; necessary information used to calculate the age, size, and ultimately the fate of our universe. During the course of the final analysis, researchers conceded that one likely explanation for the state of the observed universe is that, "[it] is pervaded by a mysterious 'dark force'." While no one from NASA's Goddard Flight Center was available for comment, CN did manage to speak with Darth Vader, Imperial Party Vice-Presidential hopeful and long time proponent of the 'dark force' theory, on his campaign trail.
When asked about the frightening nature of NASA's discovery, Vader said, "Don't be so surprised. They weren't on any mercy mission."
"[With this discovery] the circle is now complete," said Vader. "America will soon realize that the power to rule is divided amongst too many bureaucrats. The Old Republic no longer functions. Only the Imperial Party can restore peace and order."
Vader summed up the effect this information would have on the 2000 Presidential election by saying, "You don't know the power of the 'Dark Side'."
Despite Darth Vader's confidence in his Party's position, NASA's public announcement on the existence of the 'dark force' has the Imperial Party up only five points in the current polls. Expecting a greater impact in the polls from the announcement, Darth Vader replied, "I find your lack of faith disturbing."
Vader adds that the Imperial Party expects to have a web site operational before the
Fall of 1999, with the new hope that they may more easily educate the electorate about the
economic, foreign, and domestic policies of the New Order.
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